MORAL DECREPITUDE, FAILURE TO FULLY EXPRESS CULTURAL ICONOCLASM, UNMITITIGATED CHAOTIC THOUGHT PROCESSES, FAILURE TO PRODUCE AND RELEASE FILMS BASED ON CLEVER AND PERFECTLY VIABLE SCREENPLAYS, SLOTH.

TERRANCE OSTERHOUT


Date of Photograph Unknown

Aliases: Jack Valenti, Jack Palance, Jack Uoff, Osama I'mnot Slater, Terry Theworldismyoysterhut, Lee Blackheart, Terry Osama Guilt Laden.

DESCRIPTION

Date of Birth: Spawned, not born. Hair: Intact
Place of Birth: "Up North" Eyes: Shifty
Height: Unknown Complexion: Freckled
Weight: Still a Skinny Punk Sex: Never Enough
Build: Version 30.9 Nationality: Unknown
Occupations: Video Store Customer Abuse Hack Perve
Remarks:  A confirmed grab-ass, Osterhout can often be recognized by his incessant muttering of the phrase "I coulda been chicken tenders..."
Scars and Marks: All psychological

CAUTION

TERRANCE OSTERHOUT IS WANTED IN CONNECTION WITH NUMEROUS SLANDERS, LIBELS, AND PLAGIARISMS; FAILURE TO REALIZE HIS PERSONAL POTENTIAL, AND A SECRET FANTASY LIFE WITH STEVE BUSCEMI


CONSIDERED VERBALLY ARMED AND DANGEROUS

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, RUN LIKE HELL, BEFORE HE PITCHES HIS LATEST SCRIPT IDEA OR STEALS YOURS....

REWARD

The MPAA is offering a reward of up to $5 million for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of TERRANCE OSTERHOUT.


SEPT 2001